| You're probably anxious to start experimenting with new sexual technique. But before you’ll start it, you need to have a firm grasp (pardon the pun) on how to get the real pleasure from your sexuality and also you have to understand that sex is intrinsically healthy and natural part of life.
The thing is that's not so easy for everyone. Reading this chapter will help you to find out what do you already know about sex, in case there are might be things you should unlearn or relearn. You’ll open the door to sexual pleasure, once you understand that sexuality is a wonderful, integral part of yourself. If you are ready to learn how to have amazing sex, then it's time to start exploring your beliefs and values about sex, and figuring out how they affect you.
Staking Your Claim on Sexual Pleasure
What does amazing sex mean? It means being totally into sex: uninhibited, comfortable, and thrilled to be having sex. It feels like you sang a duet with Luciano Pavorotti, won the $20 million lottery, climbed Mt. Everest, or drove a brand-new Ferrari but if you let your inhibitions get the best of you, then having sex will probably feel more like you sang off key in the shower, were a passenger in the back of an old pickup truck, lost the scratch-off lottery, or tripped on your way up a flight of stairs.
People, who don't feel comfortable with their sexuality are missing out one of life's greatest pleasures—sexual pleasure. For example, you certainly won't feel sexy shedding your clothes in front of another person, if being naked makes you want to hide in a closet or if your jaw locks in terror, you won't be enjoying the excitement of passionate kissing. You won't enjoy sex, if you believe that you shouldn't enjoy it. First you have to figure out where the negative feelings came from and then you can get past your inhibitions about sex.
Our country appears quite sexually liberated but still, when it comes to parenting and religion, many people teach that sexual pleasure is wrong. When you were growing up, some people probably told that sex is a temptation to be avoided, but did anyone ever tell you that sex is a wonderful, positive aspect of life?
There is one thing, which is important for you to know -- it is your right to enjoy sex! Remember - never feel guilty or embarrassed if you want to improve your sex life and make it as pleasurable as possible. You are claiming your right as a sexual person, when you say “Yes!” to amazing ssex.
Remembering Your Sexual Influences
From the time you were born, messages about sex have been influencing you - religion told you to wait to have sex until you were married, your parents told you to wait until you were in love, sex education teachers told you about the dangers of sex and how you could contract AIDS and die. Well that’s right - the dangers of sex are true, but they are only part of the story and when it comes to all those negative messages, what you see and hear isn't always reality.
If you saw your parents hugging and kissing, you probably noted their affection and took away some positive messages. You might be trying to sort out if sex is something forbidden, dirty, and not to be enjoyed, if your parents were tight-lipped about anything having to do with sex. But maybe you were lucky enough to have parents who made it easy for you to ask them questions about sex.
Some parents reprimand young children who touch themselves. So the only time they explore their bodies, if they do at all, is at night, when they are in bed, under the covers. This why, most children are taught that sex is something that must be hidden. People should not be ashamed of their sexual urges. As an adult, even if you were shamed as a child, you now need to let that go. Sometimes when parents name sexual body parts in the presence of children they should remember that there are a lot of taboo words which use is not preferable at this moment. When parents teach their children the correct names for other body parts (knees, elbows), they should teach them the correct names for genitals (penis, vulva) as well.
Many children learn negative messages about sex from their friends, besides the influence of parents. They laughing at that joke they didn't quite get just because everybody else are laughing and this jokes make the rounds in hushed tones at most middle schools. A child who doesn't understand the joke or doesn't laugh enough usually falls victim to merciless teasing. Usually, a child falls a victim to merciless teasing if he doesn’t understand the joke or doesn't laugh, or if he is not “cool” enough to tell sexual jokes that he or she has heard or use dirty words. Definitely, the kid might have bad feelings about his or her sexuality, if everyone else calls him “a prude”.
In high school, the pressure to be cool reaches a really big proportions and teasing usually surrounds sexual activity or lack thereof. The thing is that teenagers do not understand that sexual choices are individual. Remember, you should have sex only when and if you are totally sure it's right for you, throughout your life.
Your view of sex is affected by what you are taught about controversial sexual issues, such as pornography, homosexuality, and premarital sex. You will grow up with a negative attitude toward free sexual expression, if you are taught by your parents, your church, your school, or your friends that all of these things are bad. For example, as an adult, to get a sexual thrill you might enjoy looking at pornography. But every time you reach for Playboy, you will feel a pang of guilt, if you are told throughout your childhood that porn is wrong.
Above, just only few ways that the things you learn about sex can affect you, but there are really many more myths about sex that you may have learned as a child that may have stayed with you as you grew up. So, let's take a look at them closer and learn how to dissolve them.
Myths about Sex
All those things you learned from the time when you were a kid, develop into myths, because of all that secrecy about sex around children. Did anyone ever tell you that masturbating will make you grow hair on your palms, or that you can't get pregnant if you jump up and down after sex. By now you know it is not true. Anyone who believes these types of myths isn't enjoying sex very much and probably isn’t really in control of his or her sexuality - how is it possible to relax with these kinds of notions swimming around in head! But once people reach adulthood, most of those simple myths are forgotten.
Still, there are lots of adults, which believe in some deep-rooted myths. Take a look at some of them to decide for yourself if your beliefs are in need of adjustment.
All of the following myths are not true!
• Sex is sinful, dirty, and unpleasant
Usually religion teaches that sex is bad, wrong, or sinful. But even, if you have strong religious beliefs and still you can have sex for pleasure. Once, I heard a priest, who said the following thing to get this point across: If God hadn't wanted people to have sex, then God wouldn't have made it feel so good.
• Because of ejaculation, man can lose his energy
This myth dates in India in the 600s, when people believed that the more a man ejaculated, the more he would have to replenish the energy supply, and the more of his precious energies he would lose. Definitely, it isn't true, as it is a fact that semen production is effortless for a man.
Sex might make you tired if it is vigorous, just like any vigorous activity but great sex can give you added energy. There are really lots of men, which are invigorated after sex and want to go run 10 miles… or have sex again.
• Sexual pleasure does not stay throughout your life
Some women think that a woman has the ability to have only a fixed number of orgasms in her entire life. They thought it had something to do with the number of eggs women carried in her ovaries. It is not true, because orgasms come from a woman's brain and nerve endings, are not related to women ovum, and, most importantly, that women can have an unlimited number of orgasms, anytime for as long as she lives. Your sexual pleasure will continue as long as you live.
• Men always want to have sex and cannot be monogamous
According to evolutionary biology, male species have millions of sperm for the reason of spreading them around to fertilize as many eggs as possible. But this is not relevant for men in contemporary society. Men do not need to spread their “seed” to as many different women as possible. They can settle down with one woman happily, forever. Men can be faithful, as long as they choose to be faithful. Saying “all men cheat” is like saying that no man has self-control, and no man can respect his commitment to his relationship. That is not true. Not all men betray and lie to women. Any man can choose to be with only one woman forever.
• Women should not love having sex
Some women who want sex, worry, that they will be called a slut or thought of as a whore if they come right out and ask for it. Isn’t that what you heard girls called if they were the ones who “got around”, when you was a kid? But what is wrong with a woman, who enjoying sex? If you don't know the answer, then it is: nothing. Both and men and women have a right to enjoy sex.
Your Attitude Adjustment
You have to change your feeling about sex, if they are still getting in the way of your pleasure. There are many methods to do that. First thing, which you should do, is to try to tune into what you find sexy, without being affected by what your upbringing taught you. And then, keep in mind that you have the right to choose whether or not you want to have sex, when you want it, and with whom - sexual fulfillment is yours for the taking, if you believe you can have it. Having amazing sex takes a lot of information, some skills, a high comfort level, and a partner who feels the same way.
Adjusting your attitude means seeking out more information about sex. While you are seeking it, you should do this with the hope that you'll feel free enough to have fun when you're performing sex. But never feel ashamed that you seek for this information. Instead, think of yourself as wise for wanting to learn more about sex - you're doing something great for yourself by learning this. Think of people who might think that you are a pervert, as the losers who aren't as in touch with their sexuality, instead of feeling afraid.
Talking About Your Sexual Past
You can talk about your sexual influences and sexual history with someone who has the experience to help you understand it better. By doing this you can increase your comfort level with sex. To do this you need somebody you trust – it could be a counselor or therapist. To help you discover how your past influences your present this person should has the experience. So, when you have time sit down together and talk to this person about your sexual history. You can get some ideas for sharing from the following items.
- Talk about what you learned from your parents and other memories you have that involved sexuality in your childhood.
- Talk about your feelings and emotions concerning nakedness and your body image at all being a child, and if this attitude changed with ages, discuss what is it now and what is the difference.
- Discuss your memories about your first period (for women) or wet dream (for men).
- Talk about what you thought about masturbation, and when (if ever) you first felt completely comfortable doing it.
- Talk about what your peers, the media, and sex education taught you.
- Discuss your early dating experiences.
- Talk about what lose of your virginity made you think about sex and why you lost it.
- Talk about any members that you went through when you were younger, which may impact your dating and sex life today.
Because of some attitudes or experiences that you had years ago you might not get what you want out of your sex life. Only after examining all of those issues, you will be able to start to put the pieces of your sexual past and present together. The speed of your work on resolving your issues depends on that how much and open you talk about them – as more you talk about your issues as faster it will go. If you want to keep the details of your sexual past to yourself - you do not have to tell a new partner everything about your past (especially if you are using condoms for disease protection anyway). But you might want your partner knows you more intimately so you are will to share personal aspects of your history with him or her. It can be important to be open with your partner about your sexual past and your sexual attitudes and values.
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